so much depends
a red Ca-
raced with vain
beside the white
The Truth Hurts.
My Receipt Was Not Good Enough -
On my second day in the new town, I went to Best Buy to buy a telephone. In the store, I asked a salesperson, “Do you have old fashioned telephones as opposed to cellular phones?” He knew exactly what I meant and pointed me in the right direction.
I have a landline in my new apartment because,…
Me [wearing twinset, holding laundry basket, shaking head as kids lap kitchen island on way out door]:
"As a busy mom, I know how important shortcuts can be. That’s why I make dinner and laundry a snap with new Cook-Dri™. Simply wrap one raw garlic clove in a dish towel, toss into the dryer with a full load of laundry, and walk away! Return an hour later to nicely-browned garlic and heavenly-scented clothing!"
[off camera: “Mom! We’ll be late for soccer!”]
Me [knowing nod, swiping keys from counter]: “Coming! Just starting dinner!”
Cook-Dri™: Dinner. Duds. Done.®
So glad my Target package arrived, despite the Zombie Apocalypse.
1. Scream at teenage son.
2. See FB pics of cousin taking daughter to college.
3. Open first letter from high school college counseling office.
5. Scream at teenage son.
Rare footage of the migratory species known as WABs (White American Beachgoers), retreating from their notable annual rite, The Holiday Greeting Card Photo Shoot. Members perform ablutions before appearing on the designated evening, donning traditional tribal dress of white tops (collared for men, modest scoop-neck for women) and khaki bottoms (pleated or flat-front, often embellished with colorful canvas belts). WABs then gather in an outward-facing, motionless cluster, rictuses frozen in an approximation of happiness, until, by tradition, a younger initiate begins to openly weep, or an elder (generally male) succumbs to cravings for scotch and a restroom.