Why trips to amusement parks will never change — my piece on Six Flags is up at Huff Post!

You can bet I’ll never set foot in a Hobby Lobby again. To prove my point, I’ll even go so far as to never, ever do another craft w/my kids.

Early Mother’s Day Message

I’ve probably listened to this voicemail from Aud and her best friend 15 times. It’s such a perfect encapsulation of their age — I want to bottle it and uncork it 20 years from now. [ed. note: Aud’s friend and I have a running joke about a dream she once had, where I turned around from the driver’s seat and told her she had a big head.]

“Hi, Mom! It’s Audrey, um, just call me back, in, um before, um, if you, before you go to bed if you receive the message, I guess? Um, I just wanted to say goodnight, and happy early Mother’s Day, and have fun in New York, um, I’ll miss you! And tonight we went to see the Amazing, the second Amazing Spiderman? And it was SO good, and it was awesome and I liked it MORE than the first, and I don’t understand why there were bad reviews for it AT ALL — it’s just sad — but um, also we watched The Carrie Diaries? Which is a really good TV show? And then um — do you wanna talk to her? You, you said you wanted — okay — here’s Anna — sorry, we’re not gonna make you — try not to make this message too long, ‘cause I know you don’t wanna listen to Anna, but— [laughter, muffled voices]

“Gee, THANKS, Audrey. Um, hi Mary Beth! Um, just wanted to say, like, have fun in New York and stuff, um, so yeah! And happy early Mother’s Day, and, um, and yeah, so Spiderman was SO good, oh my GOSH, we were like, SOBBING, when— [muffled voices] and we were like, sobbing, at like, part of it? And it was like, oh my gosh, it was just SO…eh-MO-tional, and oh my gosh it was so good though! Um, and yeah, so— [muffled voices] — just a minute — oh! OH MY GOSH! Okay, my parents? and Pete? didn’t LIKE it, and Pete doesn’t even like Gwen Stacy! Like, what is WRONG with him?! But, um…anyway! Okay, so, happy early Mother’s Day, and by the way, it’s SO offensive what you said about my big head. I’m so offended. That’s so mean, I’m sobbing! Um, alright, Happy Mother’s Day, um, here’s Audrey!”

“Bye! I love you! I’ll…talk to you tomorrow! Uh, love you, bye, good night!”

You learn to appreciate the small victories in parenting.
Fudge, bedside, 3 a.m.: “Mama, I threw up.”
Me: “In the bed?”
Fudge: “No, near it.”
Me: “Okay, good job.”

Please check out my incredibly helpful tips for new parents, now on Huff Post!

Ha! Sadie’s old “teacher” note made HuffPostParents “Cute Kid Note of the Day”!

Today’s additions to my Flickr series, “Floyd Holding Things”: 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/62142386@N08/sets/72157632227110508/

"Wipe that face off your head…"

"Wipe that face off your head…"

Morning addition to my Flickr series, "Floyd Holding Things".
http://www.flickr.com/photos/62142386@N08/sets/72157632227110508/

Morning addition to my Flickr series, "Floyd Holding Things".

http://www.flickr.com/photos/62142386@N08/sets/72157632227110508/

Waiting ‘til I have time to sit down and really digest it b/f I read “Story Behind Sally Jessy Raphael’s Red Glasses” on Yahoo News.

Tags: funny news